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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

It's been a while ... again...

just thought I would drop in and tell you that I am now on a 'maintenance' phase of the HCG protocol... I have lost over 40lbs, and it is great! Can't wait to lose more...

HCG in the first few weeks can be ridiculously hard, but eventually it gets better, and gets to a point that you are used to eating almost nothing... although when I went to Phase 3 (the phase I am now on) it was REALLY nice to eat some eggs!

The Idea of Phase 3 is that you take 3 weeks for your body to stabilize and 'right' itself.  So you can eat whatever you choose, till you are satisfied, as long as it has no added sugar, and is not a starch... so it's been really good to eat some cheese, along with eggs, and whatever fruit I want!

I think the best part is that along with resetting my body, it has reset my pallet as I needed everything super sweet... and now even a good blueberry is sweet enough!

anyways, hope all is well wherever you are, keep going if you are attempting something that seems impossible, every time you persevere in your short-term goals you make the seemingly impossible long-term goal possible!  And if you aren't attempting anything challenging, perhaps you should start cuz your life must boring!


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

it's been one week since you looked at me....

"it's been one week...." to quote the Barenaked Ladies' single back at the beginning of the millenium, and to quote another "and I feel fine" ... to quote another canadian band's single (that being "It's the end of the world as we know it" by Great Big Sea)

HCG is not for the faint of heart, I almost quit several times within the first 3 days, but Amy persevered with promises of rewards for my greater self-good, and even a couple of non-verbal threats (Just kidding, but seriously if you think I am able to do this on my own you are crazier than I am)... 

I have to 'own' this because when it comes to 'dieting' or positive change in this area of my life, I am the king of the 'no-finish'.  I think it has something to do with the fact that if something seems out of reach, I can be terribly committed to letting it stay that way.  Especially if it that change involves pain or discomfort for me.  

It's not that during those first few days I couldn't do it, or even that I was ravenously hungry, I mean 500 calories is really not alot to live on,  but rather the complications came with the realization that I am once again completely concerned with food.  I plan my day around it in fact.  Who am I meeting with? Where can we meet? Who serves the best coffee, with the best pastry which is next to the best lunch spot that is close to my dinner reservation.  THIS is how life at times seems, because I am in the 'business of people' I meet with people all day long, and when I am not meeting with people, I am planning to have another meeting with people.  Don't get me wrong I love it, and I think I am good at all the things I do to make money, but it means that I am surrounded by food and beverages all which seem to go straight to my ass.  

So getting by on some tea and 500 calories a day has been a challenge, but once you get past the first three days, things get better.  You get used to a routine, you learn a new normal, and for me that's obviously what this is about, a new normal.  My normal seemed to be pretty self-destructive, a life of living in a cycle of emotional stress and eating my way out of it... some like beer, or whiskey, I am more primal, a good piece of meat, and some ice cream will have me feeling better in no time.  

Anyways, I am pretty excited about the progress though, and I know some of you will be pretty shocked and maybe skeptical, and that's alright, as there's nothing wrong with a healthy dose of skepticism and cynicism :)... but according to my brand new scale, I have lost over 20lbs... IN ONE WEEK... what's crazy is that I actually feel good, I am still able to be active, I am not tired, I am not hungry or craving anything... 

let's see how much farther we can take this :) 

talk to you soon 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

And it begins... again

It has been awhile...

While I would chalk it up to busyness... let's be honest, I just quit.  I got tired of being on alert 24-7 for foods that were going to destroy all my hard work, and so I gave up.  I had lost somewhere in the realm of 50-55lbs... and got discouraged.

I have spent the past 6 months evaluating, thinking, and deciding on what I did well, what I hated, and why I stopped and I think I'll write about some of that later, but I really wanted to sign on here today to tell you of my new adventure.

A friend of mine (Jason) has lost almost 110lbs on a protocol called 'Simeon's Protocol'.  It has been made more popular by Kevin Trudeau in his book 'The Weight Loss Cure "THEY" Don't Want You to Know About'.  While I actually think Trudeau is a bit of a whack-job (in the clinical definition) the results that some friends are experiencing have really pushed me to try this.
In it's basic formula you have 4 phases of the diet.

Phase 1:
- a bunch of really nasty cleanses which I am not doing because I am inherently lazy and drinking a weeks worth of organic cranberry juice, with cayenne pepper with honey, doesn't seem like a smart thing to do.
- this is also Trudeau's addition to the protocol, and I think Trudeau is a paranoid, nut-job, who thinks that our tap water is full of chemicals so the gov't can keep us fat... I personally think it was the copious amounts of Coke and Mc'ds that did it too me, but I did drink lot's of water...

Phase 2:
- 15 drops of HCG 2x daily
- Drink copious amounts of water and teas (Green, Chamomile, and Yerba Mate)
- 2 meals (lunch and dinner) consisting of 100 grams of lean protein (chicken breast, white fish, steak)
- handful of salad (greens, asparagus, celery, tomato, cucumber, some other veggies that I really don't like)
- 2 apples, or 1 cup of strawberries, or 2 grapefruit/orange
- no dressings, starch, sugar, fats of ANY KIND
- for 21 days with drops, 3 more days w/o drops
- the first two days you gorge on as much food as possible the fattier the better... I will talk about this later)

Phase 3:
- No drops
- Drink copious amounts of tea and water
- have as much lean protein and veggies and fruit as you like (till you are full)
- for 3 weeks

Phase 4:
- Gradually ease back starches and sugars (in moderation)

or you can do phase 3 for 3 more weeks and then go back to Phase 2 to lose more weight...

My friend Simon has lost somewhere just south of 50 lbs... the thing is that this diet really seems to suck away what they call 'abnormal fat' and the fat that is the hardest to lose that being your belly, your thighs, and your... 'ahem' shall we keep it 'pg' ...buttocks.

During my evaluating of my success and now epic failure as I have put back on all the weight I have lost, I decided that while being goal oriented was a good thing, I think that success needs to be more than just quantified, it has to be qualified as well.  In North America we think that if I can just get to that weight, or if I can have that amount for a salary, or if I could just have a house this big then that's success... but success also needs to include the answers to such questions such as
1).  How do I feel?
2).  Am I more happy now that I am losing weight? or making more money? or owning a bigger house?
     2a).  And if I am or am not why?
3).  Do I have more energy?
4).  Am I a better version of myself?

Those questions need to be answered as well, and for me the past 6 months have been about answering some of those questions so that when I can get to my goal whatever that may be... I will arrive being not just healthier in body, but in mind and spirit as well....

Welcome to the Journey-continued!


Monday, October 18, 2010

Back in Black?

Duh, duh du duh, duh duh duh... dan na na na na (vibrato) ... you have to sing that to AC/DC 'Back in Black' and if you don't know that song... well, just skip it.

Life is extremely busy these days, but to be honest life is never quiet.  We always seem to fill it up with every kind of busyness.  Go to this meeting, get that errand done, go to this rehearsal, do this gig etc... life would be easy if you didn't have all the responsibilities that life comes with, which actually make it life and not just breathing.  Sometimes the activities that make life or will make life better for us are often ignored for those opportunities that masquerade as opportunities for advancement, aka busyness.

Take for instance today, I had an early (I mean early for me) appointment at a radio station to plug my upcoming cd release concert (cue shameless plug which is at Calvary Baptist Church Oct. 23/10 at 7:00 p.m. with Linnea Salte and Jill Hagen).  This meant that I had to disrupt my normal morning routine which usually encompasses getting to the gym by 8:30 and working out and then beginning my day.  I don't like my routines getting interrupted and try to not to allow it.  So why didn't I go to the gym after the interview at 9:00?  Well because I have a Dr. appointment at 2:00 p.m. of course.  I see the question in your eyes.  I know it doesn't make sense to anyone else, but to me working out in the gym is like an appointment with death, better left delayed, however if it's going to happen then just get the damn thing done.  Hence the reasoning 'if I can't do it in the first part of my day, then I am not going to do it at all', because it messes with the ebb and flow of the rest of my day (today in particular as I teach for 6 hours, and then have a band rehearsal for another 2-3).

The last few weeks have been hard, no weight-lifting because of my shoulder problems, intermittent gym attendance (avg. about 3-4 times a week) due to being sick and a schedule from hell, which I plan so whose fault is that?  Eating wise it has been hard.  Emotional eating is almost a disease for me, it is an addiction because food was always my first place of comfort, even to the point where it makes me angry when I can't have the foods I crave.  Needless to say the scale has let me know how disappointed it is in me, but what can a machine tell you?  Nothing really, except that I am on a journey that will end in disillusionment if I switch my addiction from food to the self-satisfying feeling I get when I drop 5 lbs in a week.  The extremity of either makes neither healthy.

One of things I am learning about this journey is that it isn't about going to the gym one or two days, or eating well for a few months and then taking a break.  To be successful means to commit to the journey all the time including the times when it's ok to indulge without overindulging.  To commit to a life change, as opposed to just following a diet plan until I reach a destination.  Funny word that, destination, as though 'there is always better than here' (thanks Joe Meyers for that thought)... I am learning that my destination is definitely a little more broader than losing a few pounds, but rather on the horizon rising as the sun lit with full glory is a destiny that is bound to change not only my physical appearance, but will also touch and challenge my spiritual and emotional life as well.

right now I am at 393 a loss of 2 lbs, as last week (which I didn't have time to blog about ) I was 395...
so here's to a crazy busy week, fraught with all types of fears and never ending opportunities for failure!


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Frustrations are frustrating...

Ok, it's time for a frustration rant... I haven't had one for a while... so I think it's time...

I am frustrated that it takes me a long time to get back into the swing of things, I am frustrated that I can't eat what I want, when I want, how I want and not gain weight like others... I am frustrated that this past week was a decent eating week, and a good exercise week and I still gained 2 lbs.   I want to throw that scale through the wall!

For those of you who want to say 'oh well just take your frustration out on the treadmill, or some other kind of torture machine' SAVE IT... I know what I am supposed to do, but right now let me be like a woman who just wants you to HEAR, and not give advice... cue the ladies saying 'I just want you to LISTEN'... not that my wife ever has to say that to me ;).  It is very frustrating, to go backwards even when you are going forward in every other area of fitness, you are eating better, working harder, but you gain instead of going down.  

It isn't helping matters that I can't lift my left shoulder above my head.  In fact I almost can't use it at all, I have been ignoring it through the summer so I could play ball, but now I went to physiotherapy and we are working on it.  Physiotherapy is one of those funny things we do to ourselves in life.   The 'Therapist' (notice how if you split therapist you get 'the rapist' also known as a salacious and sadist beast) basically sit you down ask and proceed to ask what hurts, how it hurts, when it hurts.  As they ask they make you move into uncomfortable places, asking 'does that hurt?' 'is that tight?'.  To which I reply sweetly 'twist that arm again and you'll see what hurts', but instead I whimper through gritted teeth, 'yeah that hurts a little' and tears begin to form.  Then once we know every position I CAN'T do, they then tell me to do it 30 times!!!!   umm.... and I am paying you $55 a session? oh well at least I will have a shoulder back... maybe...

anyways, yeah I was up again last week... this week though seems to be going much better... that scale better be good or else my frustration will be taken out on it!


Friday, September 3, 2010

Scales of Woe

Bless me father for I have sinned it has been so long since my last confession (blog).

I have committed a grievous sin.  The summer binge!  I feel ashamed, I feel angry, I feel like I am in a 12-step program and I just fell off the wagon... well I didn't call this blog, the diary of a food addict for nothing.

Life this summer was HECTIC, between family, travels, gigs, and trying to enjoy a little bit of summer with Amy, I was hard pressed to find the time to get to the gym.  Let's face it, with the whole 2 hours of summer that we had in Edmonton, the last thing I wanted to do was go inside and run on a treadmill.  I did though, try to stay as active as possible, which meant swimming, some golfing, a little slo-pitch, and the best activity to date teaching Amy how to play can ask her how that went...

We ate well, in every sense of the word.  Most times it was healthy, but it was holidays and part of enjoying a holiday is doing things that you normally don't get the chance to do in your everyday life.  In my previous life though, I would let the good times roll a little too often and a little too long.  When we got back a few weeks ago, Amy and I set a 'd-day' for when we would return to our new normal, and we have and it feels good.

The best (sarcasm) part of my summer was coming home and going to the gym after a 2 week lay off.  If you read my last blog, I was down to almost 370lbs! I was very excited.  To my horror, the gym had replaced the scale and the new scale was a jerk he was NOT being nice AT ALL!  I had gained big time... like 20 lbs... I was very very disturbed... I nearly broke one of the trainers in half as I grabbed him and said in a very desperate voice 'WHERE IS THE OLD SCALE, you know the one that said I was skinny, this one is calling me fat'... he didn't quite know what to say, or how to say it, 'the old scale was out by 6lbs...' I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, the scale that I had trusted, the scale I grown to love, I shared secrets with had DECEIVED me.  If it was in the building it would have made it's last noise being crunched by the asphalt as I through it off the roof.

I went home, and nearly cried.  I was so disappointed, but eventually I came around to the truth that even though it was out I had still lost the same amount of weight, because I had started from a bigger number as well.

The new scale seems to be working ok, but I will never trust it.  How could I after being deceived these many weeks and months.  However it says that I am 389 lbs... so if we add 6 to the 370 I was at we arrive at 376.  Which means right now I am about 13lbs away from where I started at the beginning of the summer.  I am not really worried about that coming off as I know when I start doing my regular work-out routine and keep eating the way I know I am supposed to things will turn around.

This comes to my new goal.  I have been thinking about it all summer, where I want to be in the next few months.  I have decided that I would like be to at 300lbs by my next birthday which is just over 6 months away.  This means I need to lose an avg. of 14.8 lbs a month.  My previous avg. (before the sumer) was 20.6 lbs.  So barring an extremely naughty cmas, (which won't be happening) I should be able to pull this off!

Thanks for reading, I love to hear from you!


Monday, July 26, 2010

Summer days, summer haze,

Hey everyone hope your summer has been good... mine has been pretty busy with finishing my second 'ep' which will be available soon, traveling to visit friends and family in SK and soon to Vancouver and Kelowna, as well as gigs in Dauphin, MB, and Kelowna (Aug. 2 at the Minstrel Cafe).

I always get a little scared when I have to go away from home, it usually means that you have little to no control over your diet, and you are away from you normal routine of sleep and gym time.  Summer itself changes my sleep and working out routines just because Amy and I like to stay up later than normal, and sleep a little later (I am usually up and out of the house by 9 which may not be late for some).

On our trips this year we have done fairly well at keeping ourselves active, by playing a round or two of golf, slo-pitch, even going for walks and attempts at playing tennis.  Because I am not 'gymming' it everyday means that I need to be active and I think that being a more active person is one thing that has changed overall in my life since I started the journey.

The eating part is alot harder than normal as you are going out to eat much more than you usually do when you travel, as well you may not be able to cook a lot when you are visiting someone else.

For instance we were billeted in Dauphin MB and our amazing hosts made us what I am sure is a treat to everyone else, but to us it was pounds in a pan.  She made us these amazing breadpan cinnamon buns.  Sooo much gooey caramel goodness, there was also orange juice, and cereal, and coffee.  To someone else that might seem like the ideal treat, to me it was hard to eat even though it was quite good.  It was all sugar, I need protein to survive, and thrive!  I was like a little school kid on our drive home because of the sugar high and then I became like Eore the Donkey when I crashed and I was angry at everything.

That is what sugar in your bloodstream does when it isn't controlled properly by balancing protein, fat and carbs.   Notice how you get tired in the later afternoon and need a 'pick-me-up' and we reach for the high-sugar- snacks like donuts or cookies with our mid-afternoon coffees.  When you consistently eat protein with carbs and fats in the right ratio your blood sugar level won't crash which means you will not be as hungry, or as tired, or as cranky!

Amy and I did pack a lot of snacks and we did do a lot of our own cooking when visiting with my family in SK.  It's a lot of hassle to pack a cooler full of fruit and cheeze and protein powder but it really helped us to stay away from junkfood and other quick foods that are full of empty calories. One of our 'power' foods was beef jerky!  It is a high-protein source, that can be low in sugar and in fat if you look hard enough.  Careful about the sodium content  eating a bag every hour or two will not be good for you.  The other thing we did was drink water, ALOT of it so that anything that wasn't 'good' for us was being cleansed quickly.  However, we did have to stop a bit more than usual ;)...

The summer travels thus far weren't that bad.  When I last weighed in it was a couple of days before we left and I was 374 (which meant that I had gained 2 lbs in the few days after my last blog) and when I came home expecting to be up again, I found that I had not only lost the 2 lbs since my last blog but also another 2lbs.  I weighed in this week at 370.2lbs!  My total weight loss now stands at just over 55 lbs.  Not bad for a 3.5 months.

I will be back from my travels next Tues. and get back to the gym and have some normal life for a couple of weeks before I head to Calgary for another gig.

Wish me luck!