Back in Black?

Duh, duh du duh, duh duh duh... dan na na na na (vibrato) ... you have to sing that to AC/DC 'Back in Black' and if you don't know that song... well, just skip it.

Life is extremely busy these days, but to be honest life is never quiet.  We always seem to fill it up with every kind of busyness.  Go to this meeting, get that errand done, go to this rehearsal, do this gig etc... life would be easy if you didn't have all the responsibilities that life comes with, which actually make it life and not just breathing.  Sometimes the activities that make life or will make life better for us are often ignored for those opportunities that masquerade as opportunities for advancement, aka busyness.

Take for instance today, I had an early (I mean early for me) appointment at a radio station to plug my upcoming cd release concert (cue shameless plug which is at Calvary Baptist Church Oct. 23/10 at 7:00 p.m. with Linnea Salte and Jill Hagen).  This meant that I had to disrupt my normal morning routine which usually encompasses getting to the gym by 8:30 and working out and then beginning my day.  I don't like my routines getting interrupted and try to not to allow it.  So why didn't I go to the gym after the interview at 9:00?  Well because I have a Dr. appointment at 2:00 p.m. of course.  I see the question in your eyes.  I know it doesn't make sense to anyone else, but to me working out in the gym is like an appointment with death, better left delayed, however if it's going to happen then just get the damn thing done.  Hence the reasoning 'if I can't do it in the first part of my day, then I am not going to do it at all', because it messes with the ebb and flow of the rest of my day (today in particular as I teach for 6 hours, and then have a band rehearsal for another 2-3).

The last few weeks have been hard, no weight-lifting because of my shoulder problems, intermittent gym attendance (avg. about 3-4 times a week) due to being sick and a schedule from hell, which I plan so whose fault is that?  Eating wise it has been hard.  Emotional eating is almost a disease for me, it is an addiction because food was always my first place of comfort, even to the point where it makes me angry when I can't have the foods I crave.  Needless to say the scale has let me know how disappointed it is in me, but what can a machine tell you?  Nothing really, except that I am on a journey that will end in disillusionment if I switch my addiction from food to the self-satisfying feeling I get when I drop 5 lbs in a week.  The extremity of either makes neither healthy.

One of things I am learning about this journey is that it isn't about going to the gym one or two days, or eating well for a few months and then taking a break.  To be successful means to commit to the journey all the time including the times when it's ok to indulge without overindulging.  To commit to a life change, as opposed to just following a diet plan until I reach a destination.  Funny word that, destination, as though 'there is always better than here' (thanks Joe Meyers for that thought)... I am learning that my destination is definitely a little more broader than losing a few pounds, but rather on the horizon rising as the sun lit with full glory is a destiny that is bound to change not only my physical appearance, but will also touch and challenge my spiritual and emotional life as well.

right now I am at 393 a loss of 2 lbs, as last week (which I didn't have time to blog about ) I was 395...
so here's to a crazy busy week, fraught with all types of fears and never ending opportunities for failure!

Blake

Frustrations are frustrating...

Ok, it's time for a frustration rant... I haven't had one for a while... so I think it's time...

I am frustrated that it takes me a long time to get back into the swing of things, I am frustrated that I can't eat what I want, when I want, how I want and not gain weight like others... I am frustrated that this past week was a decent eating week, and a good exercise week and I still gained 2 lbs.   I want to throw that scale through the wall!

For those of you who want to say 'oh well just take your frustration out on the treadmill, or some other kind of torture machine' SAVE IT... I know what I am supposed to do, but right now let me be like a woman who just wants you to HEAR, and not give advice... cue the ladies saying 'I just want you to LISTEN'... not that my wife ever has to say that to me ;).  It is very frustrating, to go backwards even when you are going forward in every other area of fitness, you are eating better, working harder, but you gain instead of going down.  

It isn't helping matters that I can't lift my left shoulder above my head.  In fact I almost can't use it at all, I have been ignoring it through the summer so I could play ball, but now I went to physiotherapy and we are working on it.  Physiotherapy is one of those funny things we do to ourselves in life.   The 'Therapist' (notice how if you split therapist you get 'the rapist' also known as a salacious and sadist beast) basically sit you down ask and proceed to ask what hurts, how it hurts, when it hurts.  As they ask they make you move into uncomfortable places, asking 'does that hurt?' 'is that tight?'.  To which I reply sweetly 'twist that arm again and you'll see what hurts', but instead I whimper through gritted teeth, 'yeah that hurts a little' and tears begin to form.  Then once we know every position I CAN'T do, they then tell me to do it 30 times!!!!   umm.... and I am paying you $55 a session? oh well at least I will have a shoulder back... maybe...

anyways, yeah I was up again last week... this week though seems to be going much better... that scale better be good or else my frustration will be taken out on it!

later
Blake

Scales of Woe

Bless me father for I have sinned it has been so long since my last confession (blog).

I have committed a grievous sin.  The summer binge!  I feel ashamed, I feel angry, I feel like I am in a 12-step program and I just fell off the wagon... well I didn't call this blog, the diary of a food addict for nothing.

Life this summer was HECTIC, between family, travels, gigs, and trying to enjoy a little bit of summer with Amy, I was hard pressed to find the time to get to the gym.  Let's face it, with the whole 2 hours of summer that we had in Edmonton, the last thing I wanted to do was go inside and run on a treadmill.  I did though, try to stay as active as possible, which meant swimming, some golfing, a little slo-pitch, and the best activity to date teaching Amy how to play squash...you can ask her how that went...

We ate well, in every sense of the word.  Most times it was healthy, but it was holidays and part of enjoying a holiday is doing things that you normally don't get the chance to do in your everyday life.  In my previous life though, I would let the good times roll a little too often and a little too long.  When we got back a few weeks ago, Amy and I set a 'd-day' for when we would return to our new normal, and we have and it feels good.

The best (sarcasm) part of my summer was coming home and going to the gym after a 2 week lay off.  If you read my last blog, I was down to almost 370lbs! I was very excited.  To my horror, the gym had replaced the scale and the new scale was a jerk he was NOT being nice AT ALL!  I had gained big time... like 20 lbs... I was very very disturbed... I nearly broke one of the trainers in half as I grabbed him and said in a very desperate voice 'WHERE IS THE OLD SCALE, you know the one that said I was skinny, this one is calling me fat'... he didn't quite know what to say, or how to say it, 'the old scale was out by 6lbs...' I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, the scale that I had trusted, the scale I grown to love, I shared secrets with had DECEIVED me.  If it was in the building it would have made it's last noise being crunched by the asphalt as I through it off the roof.

I went home, and nearly cried.  I was so disappointed, but eventually I came around to the truth that even though it was out I had still lost the same amount of weight, because I had started from a bigger number as well.

The new scale seems to be working ok, but I will never trust it.  How could I after being deceived these many weeks and months.  However it says that I am 389 lbs... so if we add 6 to the 370 I was at we arrive at 376.  Which means right now I am about 13lbs away from where I started at the beginning of the summer.  I am not really worried about that coming off as I know when I start doing my regular work-out routine and keep eating the way I know I am supposed to things will turn around.

This comes to my new goal.  I have been thinking about it all summer, where I want to be in the next few months.  I have decided that I would like be to at 300lbs by my next birthday which is just over 6 months away.  This means I need to lose an avg. of 14.8 lbs a month.  My previous avg. (before the sumer) was 20.6 lbs.  So barring an extremely naughty cmas, (which won't be happening) I should be able to pull this off!

Thanks for reading, I love to hear from you!

Blake

Summer days, summer haze,

Hey everyone hope your summer has been good... mine has been pretty busy with finishing my second 'ep' which will be available soon, traveling to visit friends and family in SK and soon to Vancouver and Kelowna, as well as gigs in Dauphin, MB, and Kelowna (Aug. 2 at the Minstrel Cafe).

I always get a little scared when I have to go away from home, it usually means that you have little to no control over your diet, and you are away from you normal routine of sleep and gym time.  Summer itself changes my sleep and working out routines just because Amy and I like to stay up later than normal, and sleep a little later (I am usually up and out of the house by 9 which may not be late for some).

On our trips this year we have done fairly well at keeping ourselves active, by playing a round or two of golf, slo-pitch, even going for walks and attempts at playing tennis.  Because I am not 'gymming' it everyday means that I need to be active and I think that being a more active person is one thing that has changed overall in my life since I started the journey.

The eating part is alot harder than normal as you are going out to eat much more than you usually do when you travel, as well you may not be able to cook a lot when you are visiting someone else.

For instance we were billeted in Dauphin MB and our amazing hosts made us what I am sure is a treat to everyone else, but to us it was pounds in a pan.  She made us these amazing breadpan cinnamon buns.  Sooo much gooey caramel goodness, there was also orange juice, and cereal, and coffee.  To someone else that might seem like the ideal treat, to me it was hard to eat even though it was quite good.  It was all sugar, I need protein to survive, and thrive!  I was like a little school kid on our drive home because of the sugar high and then I became like Eore the Donkey when I crashed and I was angry at everything.

That is what sugar in your bloodstream does when it isn't controlled properly by balancing protein, fat and carbs.   Notice how you get tired in the later afternoon and need a 'pick-me-up' and we reach for the high-sugar- snacks like donuts or cookies with our mid-afternoon coffees.  When you consistently eat protein with carbs and fats in the right ratio your blood sugar level won't crash which means you will not be as hungry, or as tired, or as cranky!

Amy and I did pack a lot of snacks and we did do a lot of our own cooking when visiting with my family in SK.  It's a lot of hassle to pack a cooler full of fruit and cheeze and protein powder but it really helped us to stay away from junkfood and other quick foods that are full of empty calories. One of our 'power' foods was beef jerky!  It is a high-protein source, that can be low in sugar and in fat if you look hard enough.  Careful about the sodium content  eating a bag every hour or two will not be good for you.  The other thing we did was drink water, ALOT of it so that anything that wasn't 'good' for us was being cleansed quickly.  However, we did have to stop a bit more than usual ;)...

The summer travels thus far weren't that bad.  When I last weighed in it was a couple of days before we left and I was 374 (which meant that I had gained 2 lbs in the few days after my last blog) and when I came home expecting to be up again, I found that I had not only lost the 2 lbs since my last blog but also another 2lbs.  I weighed in this week at 370.2lbs!  My total weight loss now stands at just over 55 lbs.  Not bad for a 3.5 months.

I will be back from my travels next Tues. and get back to the gym and have some normal life for a couple of weeks before I head to Calgary for another gig.

Wish me luck!

Blake

Golfing not just a thin man's sport

I love golfing.  Perhaps I should explain.  I love going golfing, but what I do on the course may or may not be what one would call golf.

When I drive it is usually long but more often than not it slices like a boomerang and looks like it might come back and hit me in my face.  Worse yet is my iron play which can go from bad to worse in a matter of seconds depending upon how angry I get.  Very often I can throw the club farther than I hit the friggin' ball.  Then there is my putting which simply put (haha pardon the pun) is horrible.  I can take a great drive, a decent second shot and make it into a gentleman's 8 in a few short strokes.  I love golfing, no sarcasm I actually love golfing.

My friend Kevin introduced me to it.   He would stand and laugh at me as I teed off every ball in my bag as I got angrier and angrier because it wouldn't go straight.  They would curve far into the woods never to be seen again by mankind.  Eventually after I graduated College I used my grad money to by myself a grad present which was a set of new Jazz clubs (canadian made baby!)  Over the course of the summer I broke each club (these were broke on hitting the ball not by me hitting the ground or anything else in anger) which sent me back to the store for another stronger set (bought on warranty).  That summer I actually improved mostly because my friend Doug and I played almost 2-3 times a week as I was needing some serious stress relief after a break-up I didn't see coming, a graduation from College into a life of paying bills and learning about the real world and my continuing in a ministry of a church that was under it's own brand of tension and strife.  Golfing for me became a boon, as did eating by the way and sometimes those things co-mingled!

Golfing can be great exercise.   Lot's of  walking (especially when you play like I do), lot's of twisting and turning your core.  I was pretty excited when my wife and I and our friend Debbie headed out to my favourite local course for a quick round of nine of Saturday afternoon.  I warmed up with a bucket of balls, as this was mine and Amy's first outing of the year with our clubs.  It was interesting to me that I was able to swing more efficiently, and easily than I had the previous year.  My back that had been bothering me since I hurt it last summer wasn't as tight either as I warmed up.   Before we knew it our name was called and we were facing our first challenging hole of the year.  A little par 4 that has a 90 degree dog leg in it making it perfect for a 'shape' iron shot.   I surprised myself by parring the first hole.  The next couple of holes were less than par but I was able to get myself out of trouble and do reasonably well.  The fourth hole something clicked and I unleashed an almost 300 yard drive straight up the fairway about 40 ft. from the green.  My game continued with good shots and bad shots and everything in between but I noticed that my score was relatively low for my first round of the year (which I usually don't count the score on).  By the end of our round I tallied it up and I had shot a personal best for my first round of 46 (par is 36) only 10 over.

I began to wonder what had happened, and what the difference was.  I decided it had to be that because I have lost almost 55 lbs, and I had been doing so much core work that I had more 'control' instead of 'momentum' as my core has been strengthened greatly.  I was still pretty stiff and tired the rest of the day, mostly because of my tired back muscles but after about 10 minutes of some stretching and a back rub by my very amazing wife I was good to go and woke up the next day without any strains or stiffness.

I weighed in on Friday and I was at 372.1 lbs which means that I lost another 2.6 lbs for a total of 53.9lbs total weight loss.

This week will be a good one I think even though it's busy for me with recording, gigs, and travel all coming up soon.  I am going to look at some new goals for the summer as I would like to be down to my high school grad weight which was 340lbs (I was a large 18 year old).  That means I would need to lose 32.1 lbs in just over 2 months (Sept. long weekend).  I think that's doable.  Amy and I will also be measuring me this weekend!

Here's to summer at last !

Take care talk soon
Blake

Sick and Fat

I caught a cold last week.  When I get a cold my wife would like you all to know I become like every other man when they are sick.  A whiny, sniveling wuss, who can't even crack a can of soup.  I hate being sick especially during the summer time when you want to be outside.  I was kind of happy it was January in June last week as it matched my mood.

I was worried about being sick though, because it meant I couldn't get to the gym.  It meant that I had to stay home for a few days, it meant that I had to find at home, without going to the gym a way to comfort myself in my time of sickness.  We all know what we are like when we are sick, get out the ice cream, get out the junk food, get out anything that will make us feel better.

Normally when I am sick I would make a couple of fast food runs, grab a movie or two, and hunker down and wait it out, all the while enjoying my reprieve from the real world with comfort in a burger, ice-cream or fries form.  I am a simple man after all, it doesn't take much to make me feel happy when I am not feeling well.  So what was I going to do now that I couldn't have my comfort food.

Well I still had comfort food.  Comfort came in the form of soup (which is my all time favorite comfort food) in a can as I was too drugged up to be trusted with preparing my own homemade soup.  I ate some trail mix (very little I might add) and I slept.  Sleeping when you are sick is apparently the best thing for you, I never knew this before because I was too busy watching movies and eating ice cream to sleep.

I was really worried though because I wasn't able to get to the gym, as I knew going to the gym when you are sick is a real no-no.  Although some might argue going to the gym when you are feeling good is also misplaced truth.  Even though I was eating healthy, it did mean an entire week away from the gym.

I hit the gym on Tuesday to start off with some easy cardio for the next week or so.  After my workout I decided to face the inevitable and climbed upon the harbinger of bad numbered news; only to find out that I hadn't gained, I had actually lost.  I lost 4.9 lbs on a week that I hadn't gone to the gym.  I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling in the change room, which almost got me in trouble with a rather 'muscly' type guy who thought I was checking him out.  What I was most happy about though was the fact that I broke my goal of losing 50 lbs by the end of June early.  I have lost a total of 51.3 lbs!

I am pretty excited about that, I think I will celebrate... McDonald's anyone?  Just kidding...

Later
Blakey

Motivating Factors Pt. Deux

Thanks everyone for the feedback, it's time to continue the conversation that I started a week ago.

I think we all understand and can agree that fear is a motivator.  However for me and I think for most others the fear of dying because of lifestyle choices fades pretty fast.  The moment temptation arises our fears are assuaged as we dive into the need to comfort ourselves from those same fears.  It's really a sick cycle and we are the metaphorical hamster on the spinning wheel.  This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Austin Powers where Fat Bastard is bemoaning the fact that he is fat.  "I'm unhappy because I eat, I eat because I'm unhappy"... many of us have this issue.

I asked last week what motivates you?   If fear is not powerful enough on its own to keep us motivated then what will?

I think I shared this a few blogs ago, but in coming to my decision to become a healthier version of myself during a day of solitude I wrote down a list of dreams that I wanted to accomplish in my 30's.  The dreams that pertain to my weight loss are my motivators.  Some of them you probably will find ridiculous, but then again being almost 450 lbs is also ridiculous.  (BTW-I tipped the scales Sept. 2009 at 440.6 lbs and lost 20lbs using the Weight Watchers System for 3 months.  This journey started at 426.6 lbs)

1).  To be able to sit comfortably in a chair with arms.

This might be to some a very silly and almost embarrassing motivator unless you are a large person.  Chairs with arms frighten me, they make me shake, and sweat.  They usually send me running, okay walking around looking for another chair without arms.  CWA (chairs with arms) are a huge deal.  I can remember times going to a new restaurant, hoping to God they would have at least one chair without arms so I didn't have to endure the 'Slouch' position. You know what the 'Slouch' is all about don't you?   You know the one where you put your butt on the front of the chair and lean back so that you almost form a plank shape against the chair.  This allows you to 'sit' with most of your largesse out of the arms while making it look as though you mean to sit that way.

I have to say though I may not be able to fit in some CWA's no matter how much weight I lose.  I am pretty big-boneded (no that wasn't a spelling mistake, you have to say it like that 'I am just big-bone-ded') and there are some chairs that my ass just wasn't made for. Like those small metal chairs that used to be in every reception office and hospital waiting room.  The ones with with shiny legs and upholstered seats.  I can't even get a leg in one of those things.  'Just take seat sir the Doctor will be right in ' 'Uh no thanks, my hemorrhoids flared up again why the hell do you think I'm here?'

Plane seats aren't much better.  The last time I flew was on my way home from our honeymoon in Mexico.  Now I am not sure who makes those plane seats, but I can bet they look NOTHING like me.  They probably haven't ever seen a person my size.  I almost didn't make it home because the seats were too narrow, or was it my ass to wide... either way there was a struggle, a deep breath, a snap of the arm bending on the chair and there I was hoping that I didn't have to get out again till Edmonton, only 6.5 hours away hoping I didn't have to pay for that broken arm on the seat.  I really thought it should move, I guess it does now, any other 'large' passenger that uses that seat can thank me later it is now officially 'broken in'.

The point is that one of my motivators is to be able to sit in a CWA without any fear of me breaking it, bending it, snapping it, or otherwise destroying a seat that some small person can easily fall into.   My hope is to walk into any restaurant and never have to worry about the question... 'Booth or table sir?' 'I don't care I fit anything now!"

2).  First shopping trip in a 'normal' sized store.

You know what's funny about this one, is that it happened last week.   Amy bought me some new clothes to work out in.  I was worried, how were we going to pay for this? (clothes at the Big and Tall store cost me anywhere between twice to three times as much as it would anywhere else, apparently we use THAT much cloth).  Amy brought home 3 bags but from Wal-Mart!  This is a big deal.  I have never bought anything at Wal-Mart  (some of you would applaud that).  So either Wal-Mart is buying bigger clothes or I am getting smaller.  It is a combination of both.

I always go into Old Navy with Amy looking for stuff for her.  She always tries to find things for me, but I tell her it's a waste of her time, but in a few short months it won't be, and I will have joined the masses, the proud new owner of a poorly sown polo-shirt that only cost me $10!

3).  The ability to do things that I haven't been able to do. (ie. Sports, Hike, Camp)

Acouple of weekends ago we went to Jasper and did a small hike, and a bunch of other really nice walks around a lake (I walked around an ENTIRE lake).  These were huge milestones for me, normally I would rather watch others hike or walk around the lake, now I am the one doing it.

The camping well it might not be that strenuous, but from a guy who makes  a 3 man tent look like a grocery bag I am excited to head off into the 'wilderness' and explore my 'Manhood' as I make fires, and sear meat yay for Coleman stoves and Hot Dogs.  (BTW does anyone know how to make our stove work?)

I started playing ball again, this is always something I have done except for the past couple of years in Edmonton, but I am really excited to be able to play at a level that I haven't been able to do.  I am looking forward to the day when I am more agile, quicker, and stronger on a bat than I was even in high school.  I am looking forward to the day that when I run around the bases I actually run around the bases.

Fear might start our motivation, but living is what keeps us motivated.  Motivation needs to arise out of a desire to achieve what you thought impossible.  Motivation is all about setting a goal, and pursuing it relentlessly until it is achieved.  Our motivation should be about LIVING LIFE WELL whatever that means to you.  For me the key to a life lived well, means that I become a healthy person (emotionally, physically and spiritually) so that I can do the things that I dream of, so that I can be the husband, the father, the leader, the man that I know I was created to be.

I am excited to share my week with you.  I had a great eating week, and I had a couple of dogged work-outs but I persevered.  I lost another 4.4 lbs which means that I broke through 380 this week and I now sit at 379.6lbs!

Thanks for following, I pray that somehow, somewhere you will find the motivation to change your life wherever it needs to be changed.

Talk to you all soon
Blake

Motivating Factors Pt. 1

On Monday morning I was in the gym doing some core work when I overheard a conversation between 2 ladies.  I hate to eavesdrop but it's pretty hard not to when between planks and crunches a conversation between two people is going on a few feet away.

The first lady had inquired about the second ladies' health choices, the second lady made a response like "I am doing great I am down 'x' amount of lbs."  (I can't remember figures I was too busy trying to not have a a heart attack after my second circuit of abs and planks).  The second lady who had lost the weight then began a conversation about how she wished her husband would begin to make some healthier choices.  She was voicing a fear about how she wanted her husband to be around, and not be subject to a premature death brought on by his choices in living a sedentary lifestyle.

I couldn't help but listen more intently to the ongoing dialogue as both ladies traded stories about friends' spouses dying and by this time I was finished my core workout and was 'resting' on my mat trying to not die of suffocation because my abs wouldn't contract anymore.  The lady kept speaking her fears of being alone, and perhaps being left alone with kids and how defensive her husband got every time she brought the subject up.  I felt really bad for her, which is hard for many of you to believe, but I truly felt bad for her.  I understood her fears, my wife (Amy) and I have had that same conversation, and I have to say that the fear of dying a premature death caused by my idiotic choices in my lifestyle was definitely a kick start to my journey towards health.

As I wheezed and limped to my new favorite cardio machine the 'StairMaster', I replayed the conversation in my mind.  I put myself in a mental conversation with the lady.  I wanted to help her, I wanted to give her a way to motivate her husband, but as I thought more about it I had to ask the questions of why I started, and why I am sticking with my choice to engage in a healthy lifestyle.  Part of it I had to admit was fear, I am scared to die and leave my wife alone.  I am scared to not be able to provide for my future family, I am scared to not be able to be the father my future kids need me to be.  However, there's more to my choice then that.  My motivation may have started out of fear, but my continuation on this journey arises out of something that far exceeds the power of fear.

Fear definitely motivates us.  It can motivate us into making healthy and positive choices, or it can send us into a spiral of hate, treachery and even murder.  Fear arises out of that which we cannot understand, or discern through our senses, through our minds, and even through our spirits.  A little fear goes a long way as a catalyst for change. However, fear is usually a starting point especially when we are talking about lifestyle changes.  Fear doesn't bring lasting change in many people, because we try not to live in fear, and truthfully I don't think we are supposed to.  Fear fades over time, fear is something we tend to confront, overcome, subdue, and move on from.  Fear that motivates is no different.

When I was 21 I moved to Edmonton, about 6 months later I went to the Doctor because I was having a lot of pain in my feet, I was also having frequent nosebleeds (2-3 times a day for at least 1-2 hours).  Talk about fear.  I was worried enough to go see a Doctor without any medical coverage (this I know is weird when you are from Canada, but it is possible to be without medical coverage and drug coverage in the country).  He was kind enough to see me and promptly took my blood pressure.  It was 180/165, he couldn't believe it so he took another reading and the other arm was almost 190/175.  Stroke zone for blood pressure readings are 190-200 so I was close, really close.  He almost hospitalized me.  He scared me that day, enough to go home and recruit some help from my roommate Grant who was a body builder/personal trainer.

Fear is a "minimal motivator", at some point in time the fear fades away in the into the great abyss and resides with the rest of the diseases that could possibly kill you, the fact that you have the power over this one isn't considered. The foot pain was gout, a very painful arthritis caused by a rich, high fat diet and is controlled by medication.  The nosebleeds were caused by dry, musty air in our apartment and they lasted long because I didn't know how to stop them.  The blood pressure was adjusted a little by diet, but a few years later when I was able to afford it I was placed on medication.  Hypertension (High Blood Pressure) is thought to be caused by obesity, a high sodium diet, stress, lack of sleep, and genetic preconditioning, all of which I have.  By being able to control these issues with proper medications and science, the fear was removed.  This enabled me to move on in my life and back into habits that I had formed and given up for a brief time because fear motivated me to do so.

So what keeps us motivated?   What will keep you moving towards your goal?  I would love to hear from you!   This will be a two-part blog, I will write more this week.

It's been a busy week, hence the blog at midnight on Sunday.  I had a great week at the gym, and a pretty good week eating.  I did my best with the weekend which was full of BBQ's, Church Events and a Wedding Reception!  I weighed in on Friday and I was down almost 1lb from last week which brings me to 384.8 so I am about .2 lbs away from 41lbs lost!  Every little bit helps...

Talk to you later in the week...

Blake

Worth the "Weight"

Amy and I were talking about how we are at that strange place where our clothes don't fit right anymore.  Most days I look like a prep and a rapper had a very large baby.  Some of my shirts look like they could fit two of me (ok maybe that's an exaggeration...)  and my jeans are falling off hence the new prep rapper look.  Good thing it's summer, shorts and flip flops are meant to be baggy, although yesterday even though I cinched up the belt tighter I am pretty sure that a few people were wondering why the moon was out on a such a bright sunny day.  I think I may have heard a few gasps from a couple of people, I took this to mean that my time on the stair master has been paying off!

Amy has been loving it as well, she told me yesterday that she has lost 15 lbs!  She's happy because it gives her a reason to go shopping.  I am happy because I get to go shopping with her.
SIDENOTE:  I will NEVER understand why guys don't like to go shopping with their wives/girlfriends... I actually enjoy it most days... how can you not enjoy going with a beautiful woman who gives you a fashion show at every other store?  Call me voyeuristic, but it's always worth my time!

I won't get new clothes for a while, that will be a reward for 100lbs.  I will just get all my other stuff fixed, so if you know a good cheap seamstress/tailor let me know!

Last week was a challenge to not get frustrated with myself as I did not lose, but rather stayed the same.  I hit the gym pretty hard and reduced the amount of grains I was eating ( I try not to go over 2-3 servings per day) as that is a good way to kick start your body again, and I changed the intensity level of my work-outs with some heavier weights and more cardio.  I had GREAT results as I am down another 6 lbs to 385.6!  which brings my total weight loss to 40.4 lbs!!!!  I am feeling good about that!

I usually have been blogging on Friday or Sat. but I thought I would weigh-in today and blog as Amy and I are going away for Friday/Sat. It will be an interesting time trying to figure out what to eat, and how to remain active, but I know that it will be a great time!

Have an awesome weekend!

Blake

Kiss My ... Adversity?

I am not sure how to feel.  I probably should feel frustrated.  I should feel unhappy, however I am not even though the weigh scale went up this week instead of down.  I was up today 1.6 lbs.  I mean it's not a lot of weight, that's the equivalent of one good visit to the bathroom (sorry for the possible mental image).  There is any number of reasons for the fact that I gained, I may not have drank enough water, ate too much sodium, etc.. etc... I know that I didn't cheat, and I know that I worked out hard even though I had to take Wed. off to work at the studio and on my sermon for Sunday.  So while I am not overly happy, but I am far from throwing the towel in and burying my head in a bag of chips and a cake.

I think adversity is good for us.  If we don't have it then we can't say we really overcame anything.  Adversity ensures that we don't get lazy, it should inspire us to kick things up a notch.  If anything this reminds to be even more diligent in my eating, and my work-outs.

Speaking of intensity, it's really fun to watch people at the gym work-out.  There are the soccer moms who are really working it,  guys who are pushing themselves so they can show the soccer moms how to work it and lot's in-between.  My favorite people are the ones who are so obvious about their dislike for the gym.  They do a set, then hang out on the machine for 10 minutes, do another set and then seem to call it a day.  I hope I don't look like them.  I feel sorry for them, and count myself blessed because I actually enjoy the gym (at least I do now) and have always been into sports.  I realize its a hard place for some because they would rather be getting a tooth pulled at the dentist's without freezing than being at a gym.  I hope someone told them that 90% of losing weight is diet and that if they walked around the house and were stricter on their diet they wouldn't have to be at a place they hate; trying to pretend they know what they are doing and that they like it.

Adversity kicks my intensity levels up usually.  I like a challenge, and this upcoming week I am sure will be another success. That's the way you have to look at it.  If life is all about numbers, be it the amount in your bank account, the number on the weigh scale, or even the numbers of friends you have on facebook, then we have really missed the point of why we are doing something in the first place.  In fact I think we can miss out on a lot of good things that are happening in our lives by giving a number the power to determine my emotional capability of any given day.

Numbers are simply metrics to measure how we are doing in accomplishing our goals.  Here's what I know I am doing well:
1).  I am not cheating myself by eating foods that are unhealthy (fried, sugary, empty carbs, loaded with bad fats)
2).  I am not bingeing because I am eating at regular intervals in my day.  I may need to watch my portion control more closely as I have lost almost 35 lbs to date which means I may need to decrease my caloric intake.
3).  I am not snacking late into the night.
4).  I am Drinking water regularly.

One area that I have seen a drastic improvement is sleep.  I used to never sleep more than 5-6 hours a night.  Now I regularly get 7-8 hours of sleep, and I notice that if I don't my work-out the next morning is that much harder as I am not able to focus and push myself.

I hope that you are doing well in your goals, if you are facing an uphill battle, keep going it just makes winning that much better. I say bring on the adversity, so I can kick its ass one more time.

Blake

Gyms-can't live with 'em I get fatter without 'em

Gyms can be interesting places.  Full of machines that would have been proudly used by any oppressive regime to torture it's citizens.  The people who go to the gym for their daily dose are an interesting lot as well, you have the skinny soccer moms in one corner trying to hide their cellulite with 'LuLu Lemon Pants' and others who are there looking at the soccer mom's cellulite (this is NOT me).  Others are serious body builders with penis envy and breast issues and the rest of us are there because we need to be not necessarily because we want to be.  All in all gyms are possibly the wierdest places on earth.  Where else could you get as many parts of humanity in one building all running in one direction, away from being 'Fat'.

I was thinking the other day what my grandpa would say if I was able to take him to a gym.  I think he would be confused.  He would wonder why I am running or climbing stairs on a machine when I could have easily just ran around outside, or climbed a couple of flights of stairs.  He might wonder why I don't go back to the farm and sling some bales of hay or carry some water in 5 gallon pails rather than curl these bars with weight attached; which my dad actually told me to do once when I was younger and needed to lose weight and I wanted my own weight bench.  My Grandpa probably would think I am crazy that I pay money to do all these things that he did when he was growing up.  I think it's funny that we now live in a society so bent on developing technology to make life easier, we have to invent other machines to make our lives harder so that we don't all end up laying on a couch dying from 'Laysitis'(for you lay persons out there thats 'fatspeak' for eating yourself to death with Lay's potato chips).
This week I discovered a new machine that I am sure Hitler would have used in 'Aushwitz' called the "Stairmaster".   Now I am not sure what kind of person you are but there are two kinds in this world.  Stairs people, and any-other-friggin-way else kind of people.  I am NOT a stairs person.  This thing hurts me like someone was grabbing my thighs and ripping the flesh from the bone.  I do ten minutes and it takes me a day to take a crap because I am so tight.  Honestly why do I do this to myself? Now whenever I have a craving I just think of the word 'Stairmaster' and it solves the issue.

I think it's funny who goes to the gym, here are a couple of people that go to my gym.

'Guy'
For those of us who grew up playing school sports we all know 'Guy' really well.  He's the guy who used to be the all-star athlete who is now a coach of a football team and thinks he's still buff, but he's really about 50 lbs fatter than he thinks he is and walks around high-fiving everyone.  He's the guy telling the boys "Give me one more rep!", when the last time he did a real rep was the last kegger when he had to carry the keg to the patio.  

'No-Sweat-Sally'
When I got to the gym I want to sweat, I envision that my sweat is actually the fat dripping off of my bones as I become a thinner, more healthier version of me.   It's good for my soul.  Until some chick who hates sweating, dressed in a push-up bra and a pair of shorts so small they wouldn't go around my ankle turns on a high-octane fan that makes my lips kiss my ears and my tongue pick my nose.  All because she is a little too hot.

and my personal fav.

'Cookie Monster'
Cookie monster was a young guy that I saw nearly killing himself with bars of weights that were bigger than he was.  After my workout as I was walking out, I noticed him later with the largest cookie I had ever seen.  I actually laughed out loud, which probably wasn't nice since I was walking pretty close to him, but honestly why bother?


Yep, gyms, funny places, funny people... but I couldn't win without either.

I did really well and I am pretty pumped about this week.  I officially came in yesterday at 390lbs!  Which means that I hit my 'Hopeful' goal for this week and that I am down a total of 35lbs!  Amy also took my measurements as we endeavor to track my journey with stats and pictures (which I will post when I do my before and afters)  and I had lost a total of 18.5 inches.  If you are traveling this journey as well you need to  measure yourself.  Seeing the inches come off just reconfirms that what you are doing is working ESPECIALLY if you are plateaued at a certain weight.  It will give you that extra push.

Thanks for reading, here's to another great week... feel free to leave comments so I know who's reading and if you like what you are seeing!

Take Care
Blake

Old habits die hard, but they can still die.

The greatest rap group ever, DC Talk, said it best back in the day 'Time is tickin' tick-tick-tickn' away!!!'  That was very evident this week as it seemed like I was late for every meeting, every gym work-out, and obviously my weekly blog.  It's been an interesting week.  A couple of triumphs, a few minor slips, but the new lifestyle change seems to be sticking.

On Wednesday I had the very special privilege of participating in an all day staff 'retreat' at Providence Renewal Center with the staff of the church I work with.  It was a great day even though I was stuck in an 8 hour meeting with no hope of escape.  I have been to Providence numerous times for various retreats and I am usually excited to go there, except when I go alone- I will blog about that another time perhaps in the soon to come 'Anger' Blog where I overcome my addiction to yelling and expressing myself to people who are stupid.  Wednesday was no exception.  I was excited about the thought of what else? 'FOOD'.  I remembered what eating there was like and that made me happy, so when lunch time came you can believe I was the guy in the room saying 'Hey, I need to eat now!'

As I skipped and whistled my way down to the buffet line I had to remind myself 'Blake, make healthy choices'  By the way does anyone else's voice in their head sound like someone you live with?  So with my plate at the ready I moved into line.  They were serving salad, beef stir-fry, chicken balls in sweet and sour sauce, and rice.  I helped myself to some salad, I skipped the rice and as I looked for the stir-fry I knew something was wrong.  The tray was empty.  I could feel my annoyance rising and I tried my best to quell it, I looked at the chicken balls hoping to find some protein but whatever health had been in that chicken was fried away and covered in a sauce so sugary it could have ended up on ice cream. So I waited, surely they will have some wonderful, delicious stir-fry for me.  I was wrong.  The cook came out about 5 minutes later with more chicken balls, which they really should call fried-doughnut-with-jelly-sauce balls.  When I asked him about bringing more stir-fry he took a couple of steps back, ducked his head and said in an Asian accent 'uh...no moah' apparently delivering bad news about food to a 400 pound person is not something he is likes to do so he ran away hoping that I wasn't coming after him.  I was not impressed, and since I couldn't eat the fried things masquerading as chicken I had to go elsewhere.  I finally tracked down an 'Extreme Pita' and bought an overpriced salad that was mildly healthy and went back to the rest of my marathon staff 'retreat'.

This week also happened to be my friend's stag.  Which was a lot of fun, but the words "healthy eating" don't necessarily apply.  I brought the meat for myself and the groom as well as a salad and a bag of 'healthier' choice tortilla chips so I wouldn't feel the need to chow down on what others brought.  All in all I was really proud of myself.  There was a lot of food and beer.  I normally would have ate at least a bag of chips by myself, but I was able to keep my nibbles at other chips an actual nibble and I chose to eat more of my 'healthier' choice chips.  I only had 1/2 glass of beer, which for anyone who knows how much I like beer that is a miracle in itself.  There was an entire candy bar with M & M's, Glossette Raisins, and Ju-Jubes, which I was also able to keep my distance from.  My indulgences were an extra couple of hamburgers sans the bread, and I had a little bit of ice cream/frozen yogurt which is why I had the extra hamburger so the protein would counteract the sugar and not spike my blood sugar.  Normally the night would have looked much different, and may have included a trip to a doctor's office to get my stomach pumped from all the crap I could eat there.

I weighed in on Monday, and found that I was 395!  I was so stoked because that meant I had hit my 'Hope' (as in I hope I lose another 4 lbs this week) goal for the week, and it also meant that I had officially lost 31 lbs in less than a month.  However, my excitement was short lived because I didn't believe the scale and so when I stepped on it on Wednesday for my TRUE weekly weigh-in I found I was at 396.4lbs (I am not counting decimals though, that's too much math).  396 isn't a bad number because that meant I was still at 30lbs lost.  My stupidity apparently knows no bounds as I leapt onto the scale once more for a total of 3 times in a week and discovered that I had ballooned up to 397.8 (but let's get rid of that decimal point...) So here is how I will read it.   Technically since I weigh in on Wednesdays, then last week I lost a total of 3lbs (396), but because I weighed in on Thursday I now realize that to get to my next goal of 390 I must lose 7lbs.  I am pretty confident I can do this, maybe not get all the way down to 390 this week that would be a bit hopeful, but I would like to lose at least another 3lbs which is what I am trying to average every week.

Should be another good week.  I have a show on Tuesday at Brixx Bar and Grill (10030-102st Edmonton, AB) and it will be hard to stay away from a massive plate of nacho's or chicken wings or some other unhealthy choice, but I am determined to not allow a moment of weakness destroy a weeks worth of determined effort.

Love you all, thanks for the support!

Blake

I Feel Good...

I just got back from the gym.  I can barely walk and I smell like the offal of a sick rhino, but I feel good.  Never, ever in my life did I think I would say those words after a workout at the gym, but I do, 'I feel GOOD'.

This morning I didn't feel good.  I have been struggling emotionally with things that are going on throughout this season of life.   Perhaps that's why the human condition is so complex, because we are so intricately weaved together that when one part of our life is changed the rest are affected.  This morning, however I was tired of being human, I wanted to take a break, just grab a box of Oreo's and hunker down with a movie and let the world pass me by.  I texted my wife this morning when I got to the gym, 'I am depressed, pray for me'... which probably wasn't a good idea considering it made her think I was swallowing a shotgun and that she was going to come home to my bloody mess.

Depressed or not though I went to the gym.  I was really hoping that the endorphin rush in my workout would lift my spirits.  It took awhile, and I should say that when I get depressed or sad, I look angry, very angry.  I kept wondering why no one was working out near my bench, but then again it could have been my rhino scented fragrance.  About halfway through my workout, I was able to crack a smile, although it was at some guys ogling a scantily clad girl while they pumped their arms harder hoping she would notice.

I went hard today, 7 minute warm-up, a 30 minute weight and core routine, a hard 30 minutes of cardio, and finishing with a cool-down and stretch of 7 minutes.  By the end I was soaked, tired, and way less frustrated.  I decided to go weigh-in.

I knew that I could handle what the scale said, and if I didn't like it I would just vent some more frustration on the scale by throwing it through a wall.  It must have sensed my 'don't-mess-around-with-me-vibe' because when I stepped on to the silver platform that bold, beautiful display told me that I had  broke my first goal.  I am now 399.3 lbs... (the.3 is from my soaking wet gym shorts... very gross I know).  For the first time in a year and a half I am down below 400.

The day just keeps getting better... hope yours does too!

Blakey

Eating Out and Eating Well Are Not Synonymous!!

Eating out has to be one of the hardest things to do when you are trying to lose weight.  Portion size, fat content, salt content, quality of ingredients, none of these things are really in your control.  Some people suggest to do these things when it comes to eating out at a restaurant.

1).  JUST DON'T GO OUT TO EAT
      - While this may be an option to some, and Amy and I have seriously cut back on our meals out, it's just not really fun.  That's part of how Amy and I came to be Blamy.  When we were dating we always hung out at a coffee shop or restaurant, so we want to keep that part of our dating life, but in a healthier form.

2).  USE A DOGGY BAG FOR PORTION CONTROL
     - While this may work for some, this will NOT work for me... simply for the reason that I will eat that sucker as soon as I get home.  My issue is with self-control when it comes to food, taking something home that was probably not the healthiest choice in the first place means that I will make 2 unhealthy choices in a row.  BAD IDEA.

3).  TELL YOUR SERVER YOUR SPECIAL NEEDS.
    - So I got a story for this one.  Amy's family and I went out for a meal on Sunday after church before my gig at Jo-Jo's Cafe (which is a great little coffee shop off of Whyte Ave. here in Edmonton).  We went to a well-known Vietnamese restaurant called Doan's.  I looked at the menu, and I looked at Amy and asked 'What can I have?'  (Here's an aside to my blog called 'Blake's Bits' These are tidbits of info that will help you in life:  When you are trying to lose weight and your partner is supportive like mine get them to help you make the proper choice.  When they say 'You probably shouldn't have the extra-large pizza with Sausage and Pepperoni' DO NOT REPLY WITH 'But it's full of protein').  I decided on a  brothy Pho soup (broth with bits of meat and noodles) with egg noodles (egg noodles are better than rice noodles as they have less starch more protein).  I was in the middle of describing how I wanted more vegetables in my soup and less noodles when I noticed the blank look on the face of my server and I said 'You know what, forget it just bring me the soup'.  Obviously telling your server what you need works SOMETIMES, but in my case it's the exception to the rule.  I am really blessed and happy about that. (That was supposed to be sarcastic)

I think that's my top 3.  At least those are the 3 I kept hearing from Weight Watchers and other fat loss specialists.  Here are a couple that I know work for me... and they might or might not work for you just like the above might work for you but usually not for me.

1).  RESEARCH
     - Amy and I hadn't seen much of each other this past week since I have been busy with church work, and meetings, and studio time (I am working on my new album due out in June 2010!) so I met her for lunch at a BP's close to her work.  The night before we looked up BP's menu and nutritional information online.  We discovered something very funny and I think very sly.  Their 'Health Conscious Alternative Menu' is a pack of crap.  Some of their salads had as many calories, fat and carbs as their pasta dishes with almost 1/2 the protein.  Which means that your insulin level would sky-rocket causing your body to store almost all that food in fat cells.  Amy and I finally found a dish or two that would work for us!  I was delighted the next day to have a salad with my cannelloni.  However,  because I haven't ate any white pasta I just about died going home because my stomach didn't know what I had ate.  Lesson learned, next time I will stick with the other choice I could have had which was a Steak Sandwich with Salad or a Citrus Chicken Salad.

2).  REDUCE

     - Amy and I used to go out every Friday night for date night, and almost every Sunday for either lunch or dinner plus usually on average 1 more night every 2 weeks.  That means we would have ate out at least 10 times in a month.  That might be a lot for some, and maybe a drop in the bucket for others, as I said before I used to eat out all the time before I was married.  Since we started this journey we have drastically reduced the amount of times we eat out at restaurants.  The 2 times that I just finished mentioning (Doan's, and BP'S) are the first time we have ate out since Mar. 28 which means that in 3 weeks we have decreased our going out by almost 75%.   It is simply easier to eat healthy at home.  Some would say that it is more cost effective, but we haven't seen that since we eat a lot of vegetables and fruit, dairy and lean protein none of which are cheap.  Another way to look at it is when you eat healthy at a restaurant it's not much fun ordering a plain chicken breast and salad, and paying twice as much than you would if you prepared it at home.  I would rather treat myself (within proper reason) on a special occasion- B'Day, Anniversary, etc... rather than make going out a habit again.    

3).  PREPARE
    - I Tried my hardest to find another 'R' word but it just wouldn't happen.  It's a rare moment these days that I leave the house without at least an apple, a slice or two of cheese, some almonds and my bottle of water. I have to eat every 2 hours and those things keep my blood sugar levels on an even keel.  Amy is constantly asking 'What are you going to do for lunch tomorrow?' (she truly is amazing) because she knows that I get so bogged down with other things that I forget to prepare myself.  Most of us grab food at fast food joints or restaurants because we have failed to prepare properly for our day.  I need to think through before I leave the house, 'How may hours will I be gone?' 'Will I have enough time to get back home, eat dinner and leave again?' 'How many snacks should I prepare'.  Tuesdays are the worst for me as I sometimes have a meeting before my church staff meeting at 1:30 which means that I have eat on the run or at staff.  Then I teach till 7 which means I don't get supper till 8 which means I have to pack 1 lunch and at least 2-3 snacks depending on what time I leave the house.  It takes preparation, and yeah it can be exhausting, but I can say for sure that's why I am and going to be on the winning side of this battle.

I had a great week all in all.  Some great workouts even though I think I strained my entire abdomen with too many crunches, and my eating was pretty on par despite going out 2 times this week!  I am down to 405lbs which is very encouraging.  I am really excited about my first goal which is to break the 400 mark which I haven't seen since last year and that only lasted for a week!   Overall my total weight loss is 20lbs which means I only have another 30 to go for my second goal, and 180lbs for my ultimate goal!

Talk to you all soon!

Blake

Ps. thanks for all the comments and tips!

The Battle of the Scale

I hate weigh scales.  It is a deep and long-held hatred I have for scales.  I think in my fantasy 'Blakey's Dream World' Where I would be emperor and be able to eat ice cream all day long while basking in the glow off of my manly sculpted pecs I would not allow scales to be invented or used.  Scales make me nauseous, have clammy hands, I get all tongued tied and can't breathe.  Seeing a scale makes me feel as though I am about to see a Dr. for the dreaded 'Turn around, this will only take a minute' appointment as he puts on the white glove and rubs vaseline over the finger tips... yeah I hate them that much.

I think it all started when I stepped onto my grandma's scale back in the day.  It was pink, with a white face and had one of those spring loaded dials that had numbers that went up to 250.  If you went over 250 it would just swing around until you were looking at a smaller number.  I guess that meant I was supposed to add 250 plus the smaller number.  You can imagine my horror the first time when I thought I had broken the thing.  'GRANDMA!!!! I broke your scale' 'Oh no you didn't you're just too fat'...

One fond memory of a scale is when my brother decided that he wanted to see how much I weighed.  I think I was 16 or 17 and we had an upgraded digital version of the thing-which-should-not-be-mentioned.  He is 7 years older and one of the strongest men I know, and he thought it would be funny to get me on one since I had such an aversion to them.  After knocking lamps off their stands and pulling doors off their hinges my brother finally wrestled me onto the scale where it proudly produced a '00' reading.  Which apparently was the scales' way of saying 'Get OFF OF ME!' Once again I was too heavy, but I was happy my brother wouldn't get the satisfaction of actually seeing a number.

I once went to the Drs.' office and they were using one of those really accurate 'move the big weight to the end of the arm contraptions' I took one look at the nurse and said 'Just write down the max. weight cuz this thing doesn't go high enough'...

After avoiding scales as much as I could throughout my adult life my hatred was renewed by a Christmas gift.  Once I got our Wii-Fit all set-up it proudly displayed the fact that I was huge and not allowed on the board... I wanted to take the board and present it to the creator and show him where he could put his fitness board (My next blog will be about my 'Journey through Anger').

Scales are a big part of Weight Watchers, and there it's even worse because you have to share it with someone, it's a really big deal, and when you do well they are so happy for you, and when you don't do well they try to be so encouraging 'well what are you going to change this week'?  Usually I wanted to reply 'I am going to eat a big bag of chips and dip and the biggest bottle of coke you can think of so I can come back and break this damn scale for reaffirming my already fat existence!' However I would always smile with dimpled cheeks and very sweetly tell them 'I am going to run more this week, or I am going to 'track' (write everything I eat down) this week'...

So this week I made a mistake in the war against the scale, I weighed myself on a different scale, at a different point in the week... NOT GOOD... for those of you who don't know, scales are tricky, they are mean, and they are LIARS!  You should only weigh yourself once a week, and you should only use the same scale.  I didn't follow these rules and I stepped on a scale that told me I was gaining weight! I wanted to throw it around and show it what I could do with my extra weight.  When I got home, I told my wife (Amy) who ensured me and calmed me down that it was all the scales fault, and not mine, it made me feel a little better, a little... I was at the gym yesterday where the scale that I used last week is, and even though I wouldn't say I trust it or like it, I can tolerate this one.

We eyed one another from across the change room, its silver chassis gleaming in the bright lights.  I could feel it smiling at me saying 'C'mon big boy I got you this time...' I was scared, I was sweaty, I was breathing heavy, so much so the guy beside me moved lockers.  I walked up to it, took a deep breath and stepped on.  The numbers scrolled by quickly and finally came to a rest and when I opened my eyes I smiled.  I could hear music as I read those magical numbers, 408.  Sure to you it might be a pound lost, but to me it's one step closer to victory.

Busy Days Eating Craze?

Sometimes it's really hard staying on track with my eating during my busy days.  I have to pack balanced snacks (2 Protein, 2 Carb, and 2 Fat) and water every time I go out.  Even if I am supposed to only be gone for a few hours, that's almost too long for me to go without eating.  It's like being a diabetic you have to check in on your body signals every couple of hours in order to keep your blood sugar levels and your hunger levels in the right place.  The Zone Diet is based on that science.  It's the idea if you increase your insulin levels you will gain weight.  So basically I live on a pretty low carb, low sugar diet.  I also am trying to stay away from anything super fatty and the leanest meats we can find.  It makes things hard when you need to eat fast you have to retrain yourself to think where's the nearest Extreme Pita or Subway rather than choosing from the myriad of options like Wendy's, McDonald's and any other burger joint that will pull me into their unhealthy grips.  Apparently I need a 12 step program for fast food.

Speaking of fast food, let me share my story with you on that one, and ask you a question.  How much fast food consumption is 'normal'?   For me back when I was 19 and 20 I was in a College where I my meal plan was something like this.  McDonald's on Monday, KFC (TOONIE tuesday remember that sinful, succulent meal?) Tues.,  Boston Pizza Tues. Night (Pasta Tues.  I tell you there is one rich guy in Prince Albert, SK, cuz I didn't miss a Tues. night with my buddy Clay he saw us comin' a mile away and told the kitchen to 'get it ready').  Wed. was Mcdonald's, Thurs. I would eat maybe at a friend's house, and for the weekend I would head out to the farm and eat my mom's good ol' home cookin'.   So apart from my mom's cooking on the weekend, and possibly a friend or two having pity on my stomach I ate fast food anywhere from 4-7 times a WEEK, I think now that I think of it that I am lucky I am still walking.

Today, is a busy day (worship practice etc...)  and my sis is here so we went shopping, we found ourselves out and about looking for food even though my amazing wife packed snacks for all. Lucky for us we already made the choice to find a Subway or some other sandwich such place and hit them up for all their veggies!

I guess the point I make is that life is full of choices, and we get to make them!  We choose to eat our fill of grease and fat at our local burger joint (which by the way is ok JUST maybe not ok when you are 400 lbs and trying to lose weight!) OR we can choose to find the healthy option.  When I was 19 I just did whatever the heck I felt like, and ate what I wanted, when I wanted, where I wanted without fear of consequence.  If I could talk to my 19 year old self face to face, I think I would break his nose and I could because I am bigger... thanks to him.

Talk to you next week!

He Is RISEN!!!

Goals and Small Successes

So I went to the gym after a few days of being away with Amy on Spring Break.  It was a great time to see some friends and spend some time alone with each other at a retreat center outside of Cochrane, AB.   I was anxious to get back to the gym to see how I had done over the past week.  I tried my best to eat the way that Amy and I have decided to eat(which looks a lot like 'The Zone Diet') but it was hard in that Amy and I weren't in control of our menus.  However, I am in control of what I choose to eat, and how much of it goes on my plate and in mouth!  The weigh-in today was a huge success.  I am down to 409 lbs from 421 last week which brings my total weight loss to 16lbs in less than 2 weeks!

Every success is worth sharing and celebrating even if it's losing an inch or 1 lb.  and every success needs a 'reward'.  I used to give myself rewards all the time, a bag of chips for every time I moved off of the couch to get them, a Coke for every meal that had vegetables, when I was on Weight Watchers after my weigh-in I could have a cheat meal, ANYTHING I WANTED, which turned into a cheat day, a cheat weekend, a cheat week, a cheat month (which always seemed to be Dec.).  Obviously my old rewards are not going to help me much these days, so I am going to need to come up with some new ones!  Simon, my mentor of the past few years is doing this journey with me, his goal is to lose 100 lbs from 310 to 210.  We have a combined goal of 50 lbs each by June 30.  One of his 'rewards' for losing that amount of weight is money from his wife for 2 new suits!  Now I am not much of a suit guy, but I am definitely going to need some new clothes... perhaps I should put up a paypal link and let you my friends 'donate for weight' so you can buy my weight off of me... that way I can make enough money to buy some new clothes!  My  Ultimate Reward when I get to my goal will be a trip to Disneyland with my wife, because I think by then I will actually fit in the rides.  What other rewards should I have?   Each new plateau of 25lbs lost is a huge success and I think it is worth celebrating so what will I do to celebrate? Each 10lbs I lose is a small victory in this war I wage with my weight what celebration can I come up with that is a healthy expression for that success?  

I would love to hear your thoughts friends!

Here's to the first 10 lbs!  Small success leads to great victory!

Welcome to the Journey

Well folks, here it is the blog that I have always wanted but have never been able to bring myself to do, except this blog isn't just about my navel gazing thoughts.  This blog will be about allowing you, my friends, to come with me on my journey.  To boldly yet vicariously go where this man has been only once before.

Where is that you may ask? Well I wish this was about me going to some far off destination with warmer climes than Edmonton, AB Canada, but alas it is not to be.  No my friends, this is about a journey to somewhere I have not been for a very long time a normal, healthy weight.

Over the past few years I have tried and failed a few times to get my weight issues solved, I have tried Weight Watchers (too expensive), fasting (that was hard), crazy exercise regimens  I have ran the proverbial and literal gamut.  However, over the past few months I have really had the 'light' turned on in my life about how unhealthy I am and how my 'normal' is anything but 'normal'!

A few weeks ago my sis-in-law Tina and I had a very long and frank discussion about my weight.  I had asked Tina to 'train' me (she is a personal fitness trainer).  Her response was pretty simple, 'Unless you eat right all the exercise in the world won't do any good for you'.  She is so right.  Food for me is not just food, food for me over my lifetime has been so much more!!!  Food was comfort when I was depressed, it never let me down, it was always there, like a warm blanket inviting me into it's arms when the cold, cruel world pushed me around.  Food was entertainment, always exciting and never the same way twice.  Food was romance, I never got rejected by my pizza delivery guy (I just thought he liked big guys!)  The point is food was and is an addiction for me. When I felt emotionally, spiritually, or physically hungry, food filled the gap just like alcohol, and drugs do for others.

I turned 30 on March 14.  A few days later I had the opportunity to reflect on what that meant, and what that could look like.  One of those things became very clear, my 20's which were full of emotional, spiritual and physical upheaval, were not something I wanted to revisit. I realized that for my 30's to be different though changes MUST be made.  I want my 30's to be the most positive decade I have ever had, and I want the work that God has been doing in my emotional and spiritual being to be reflected on the outside.  I want to be able to enjoy the new life my wife and I are creating.  I want to be able to play with my kids without fear of injury to them or me, I want to have a quality of life that is active, and full.  I want my ministry and career to be long and fruitful!  In order for these dreams to be achieved, my physical well-being must change.

So here's the deal.  On March 17th I weighed in at 425lbs.  (On March 24 I weighed in at 421 woot woot).  I am 6'4'' tall.  My BMI (Body Mass Index) should be between 18-25% it is around 65% which puts me in a special class of obesity which is called 'super obese' (I think the next class is the one where they get the crane to get your fat arse out of bed).  For a healthy BMI I should be between 205-225 lbs.  Which is pretty friggin' scrawny, so I might make my goal 250lbs depending on how things look when I get there.  So the ultimate goal will be as of now 200 lbs lost.  Did you know that I was 225lbs once before?  Yeah I think it was Grade 6 (not joking).

My wife (Amy) asked me today if I thought this was going to be the hardest thing I have ever done (she jokingly said 'next to marrying me' which is so not true).  The answer is, absolutely, positively I don't know how this is going to pan out but let's go for broke YESSSS!  

So my friends, come along on the journey, feel my pain, hear my carb craving filled rants, and smell my sweaty clothes because this is going to be one very sweet road trip!